Its not my birthday. And its not Christmas. I didnt see any stupid Easter bunny hippity-hopping its ass around here either. Surely this gift was heaven-sent. The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Most girls pay a lot for surgery. I didnt spend a dime. Like Christmas morning, I woke up in a blissful haze and found that my meager little B cup breasts had transformed into massive jugs.
Its like having that B- you fought so hard to get in Chemistry raised to an A+ on your report card. Its like getting a tank full of 93 octane for the price of regular. Its like getting a free upgrade to business class, just because that incredibly fat smelly guy sitting next to you in coach oozed onto your seat. Its, its, its like waking up one day with C-cups for free!
Now we all know my giant ta-tas do in fact come with a price, but let's ignore that for now. C-CUPS, honey! I had to go out tonight and buy new bras because my ta's were slopping out of the old ones. Too much side-boob, and the straps had become high-tension wires, threatening to snap and cause bodily harm. And my new 34-C bras are nice and snug--these jugs aren't just "nearly" a C, but a holy-fucking-hell big brass balls solid C.
I'm off to check out my new ta's in the mirror now. They swing around pretty nicely--i'm gonna go try and see if i can hit the cat in the head with one of them. Maybe i'm just lucky, but perhaps if you girls say your prayers tonight, the Boob Fairy will come visit you too.
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1 comments:
Aaawwww, I want the boob fairy to visit me tonight - but without the side effects! I was going to email you this week with the sole purpose of asking you if your boobies had gotten huge! Amanda said that her's got big really fast too and that she felt like a porn star. How awesome! No wonder you guys don't call as much anymore, the Head's too busy playing with your fun bags! Now I get it!
SEDA
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