Well, we had Baby Head's christening this weekend. All original sin has been washed away, and he's now ready to start dirtying his soul with sin of his own volition. Nothing creates tension like having a bowl full of crazy out-of-towners under your roof while you're dreading what screaming, puking pranks your devilish infant son plans to pull in a quiet and calm Catholic church. But really, it all went well. The out-of-towners' were reasonably well-behaved and the baby only screamed through half of the mass instead of the entire thing. Apparently the boy was chock full of evil since the holy water they poured on his head burned, burned, burned as indicated by his loud protest.
Along with endearing Ohio classics such as Z-man, Big Ron, Little Chrissy, and the Evil Twin, the usual suspects also turned up for the christening after-party: Step Blog (nee Madam Nonesuch) and Loverman, Mac-Attack and J-Money, Lady and Lord Canadian, Broomie and Ms. Everheart to name drop a few. Even a gaggle of pro-religion newcomers attended. Now leave it to the Heads to turn a cherished and solemn family tradition into an epic drunk-fest, but hell, we like to party and $400 worth of booze and barbecued pork sandwiches pretty much guaranteed that rowdiness would ensue at some point. And i'm pretty proud of Baby Head because for an infant, he can really hang. He is pleased by large crowds of drunken people and was all about being passed around until his shelf-life expired from fatigue (its exhausting to have your soul cleansed of evil).
But anyway, all this talk of pork and alcohol reminds me of the point i'm ever-so-slowly trying to make here and its about people getting offended by drunken remarks. Not that any of this happened at the party, but a heavily endrunkened Broomie arguing with me about the sexual conquests of adult males (totally reminescent of endrunkened arguments i've had with the Ash-Hole circa 2003) brought to my mind how outsiders might come to view my friends and i as a bunch of total assholes. And they would be right, but for the wrong reasons. I've talked to some people in the past who are not career-drinkers as most (if not all) of my friends are and i've heard remarks such as "when people drink, they reveal their true character" or some stupid shit like "there is truth in alcohol." Well, maybe our inhibitions are a bit lowered after a drink or two but i can assure you that there is NOT much truth revealed after a six-pack, several bottles of wine, or a fifth of George Dickel. Because the drunker people get, the more g'damn RIDICULOUS they get, present company included. Nothing anyone has ever slurred and slobbered to me when they are 10 sheets to the wind has ever been taken personal, ever been construed as offensive or has caused me to lose sleep over. I've received midnight phone-calls from an intensely drunk SEDA where she's threatened to beat me to a bloody pulp and i've never taken it personally. Hell, Lady Canadian and i tried to drunkenly beat each other to bloody pulps and we didnt take it personally. I believe i've been called an "ignorant asshole" by the closest of friends when its been one too many whiskeys past 3am. And God rest his soul that evil bastard the Evil Doctor gave me many a drunken slap to the head while firmly slurring how clearly "devoid of humor" i was. And my gender, family history and socioeconomic status have been insulted by many of my best pals after 7 or 8 martinis. Do i care? Fuck no. It makes me love those loveable assholes more. Yet i've met some people who have become mortally wounded by one slightly insensitive comment that some person made to them while being incredibly shit-faced. Maybe i'm just an arrogant asshole, but i'm not offended because i know that incredibly drunk people dont really mean what they say. I know my friends like me, or at the very least, tolerate me. At a certain level of intoxication, we tend to babble incoherently, make lots of promises our sober selves have no intention of keeping including those made to the toilet if it just "helps us puke" so we'll feel better. Our judgement is piss-poor (a giant burrito at 5am washed down with "just one more Stolis and soda"), and we're quite insensitive and terribly ill-mannered ("you callin' me a liar? well i'm callin' you a dirty cunt whore.") So i dont understand why people get offended by drunks because rarely, rarely do they mean (or even remember) what they say and i hope you'll consider this next time i drunkenly spill wine on your couch and call you a fat-ass as i puke in your toilet.
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Yes, this above all is what I have learned from you Lady Head and the dear Head himself. I remember in one of my initial life-coaching sessions with the Head about hangover guilt and he practically shook me by the shoulders and said, "Never apologize! Everyone else was drunk too! Just shake it off!"
You'll be pleased to know after Loverman and I left your most excellent party we went for more drinks and I apparently rambled on to Loverman for a solid hour when we got home about how "shabby" (that's the word he said I wouldn't let go of) our house was and my burning desire for him to fix it fix it fix it. The next day I received my due punishment with an epic hangover. Did Loverman gloat or tease? Not for an instant. He took excellent care of me and even went to McDonald's for me and did't seem to mind when I kept slobbering on about how I'll never drink again and what a good husband he is. He understands that of which you speak.
Ah, you illustrate my point elegantly. In the world of karma, our epic hangovers are punishment enough for any of our misdeeds. Which is another reason why we should never hold these drunken misdeeds against anyone.
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