So i went back to work after a 3-month stint of maternity leave and... i... LOVE IT! Seriously, i worried for MONTHS about how i was going to feel about going back to work and leaving the baby. But at the same time, i was starting to go fucking BATTY when i was home alone all day with Baby Head. Now i love my itsy-bitsy baby to pieces, but shit, i'm a scientist, academic and a Gemini and i'm not happy unless i'm doing 10 thousand things at once while checking my email and gabbing with a co-worker. And actually, Baby Head is the same way. I have NEVER seen a baby get so bored so quickly unless his activity is changed every 10 minutes. And he gets cabin fever like you wouldnt believe. I chalk it up to him being the extremely brilliant genetic product of two neuroscientists and MY son, since i cant ever sit fucking still for too long. And because i'm out of the house all day, and Baby Head is with someone different than me all day (and soon will be at daycare which will quell his need to be engaged with multiple people and activities all the time), our together-time in the evening and weekends is well, AWESOME. My work-day flies by and i'm so excited to get home, and the boy and i play so well together in the evenings and i never find myself sick or bored or frustrated with him now, even when he screams his purple devil-horned head off. And he is happy to see the Head and i and squeals like a monkey when we come home. And momma still knows best, even after a long day at work. No one knows what Baby Head wants like his momma. I can read that adorable little bastard like a book. And only one week of new and exciting activities and the kid is already laughing, turning over, sitting up, reaching for us, and supporting his weight on his feet. Fucking A. Part-time mothering really works. Its cliche, but in all honesty its the QUALITY, not the quantity of care that makes a difference in our relationships. And because I dont want to waste a single minute i'm away from my son, i bust my ass at work and accomplish a shitload and the day just flies by.
While momma's at work solving the mysteries of the brain, Grandma is providing nanny service to Baby Head until he starts daycare later this month. Now this is interesting because my mom and i have lived 500 miles apart for the last 6 years now, and even when we did live together, it wasnt always amicable. But its been interesting. I find that i enjoy having my mom stay with us because, well, she loves her grandson to pieces and she still acts like a mom to the Head and i, taking care of us and just being pleasant to be around. So its weird being a full-time daughter again. And hell, she's one of these blessed women (like my friend Mac-Attack) that have no problem being a full-time mother, so she's having a blast staying home with Baby Head all day. And luckily for him, about the time the novelty of "Grandma" will wear off, he'll be starting daycare. Although its definitely an adjustment to have my mom around. I still get unsolicited "fashion advice," critiques on my diet, and we have to hide the weed. And her crazy folk wisdom and republican politics still drive me mad. But all in all, i couldnt ask for a more loving and responsive nanny. Or mother.
So where's my guilt about ditching my son to spend all day indulging my inquisitive nature of studying the brain (and earning the money to keep diapers on the boy's ass)??? Its non-existent. Because i'd rather be an AWESOME part-time mom than a crappy full-time one.
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4 comments:
your're the queen of the universe and all you gaze upon. it looks like you made it out to the other side of the tunnel, gazed upon your work, and saw that it was good. you inspire me.
thanks for the shout-out as well.
I learned two important things from this post. 1) Your son squeals like a monkey 2) You have weed
Its good to see the central themes of my prose didnt go unnoticed :)
I'll have to make a post about your mom's "In my day..." spiels.
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