Okay, corral

The Head, Mac-Attack and i were having a discussion about this last weekend. We think that certain judgments about a person's character can be made based on whether or not they return their shopping cart to the "cart corrals" scattered throughout parking lots. In fact, we agreed that people who do not return their carts are not decent people at all, but are the scourge of society and represent all that is wrong with this world. Exceptions to this rule are the disabled, the elderly, and mothers with young infants--since a mother wouldnt want to leave their baby in their car alone as they walked across the parking lot to return said cart. However, as a mother, i've remedied that situation by always parking directly next to a cart corral.

So why is cart-corralling such a judgment of character? Why does cart neglect draw such harsh criticism from the Head, Mac-Attack, and myself? First of all, the entire act of returning one's shopping cart requires MINIMAL effort, yet provides MAXIMAL consideration of others. Yes, we are all lazy, and its hard to do hard things. But this is a very easy thing to do. When people can't do the tiniest little thing to respect the world around them, those people are selfish pricks. Attempting to compensate for their teeny-tiny penises, these pricks think they are sticking it to the man by not bending to the rules of the world that suggests, out of kindness, we return our carts to multiple, conveniently-placed areas where they will not harm other people's vehicles. Apparently this is the only form of power they can exert in their powerless, meaningless lives. Or they are some bleeding heart hippie vegan that protests all these social ills and how we need to stop them when they cant do the most simplest thing to contribute to a sense of community in their own environment--put their fucking cart away.

Another important point to make is that we are talking about a grocery store parking lot, not the valet line at the Chateau Marmont. Everyone who has parked in this lot is just a poor hard working slob, slogging their way through work just to make a pit-stop at the old Kroger on the way home to pick up diapers, spaghetti noodles, beer or cheesy poofs. We dont need to come out of the store and see our fender dinged by a cart that some fat-ass prick was too lazy to put in the cart corral. We're all in this together, man! Once again, minimal effort. Maximal consideration. So burn that calorie, fatty, and return your cart to the fucking corral. I guarantee you'll gain good karma, and be seen as a decent person in the eyes of the Head, Mac-Attack, and myself. And what more could you want?