It seems like every day the volume gets turned up a little more in my head, which is good, very very good, because it blocks out the rumbling doubts and anxieties and fear that preoccupies me. Background noise is important. When things get too quiet, trouble starts. And things had been quiet for too long. I can see the mental dial twisting every day that i wake up, live, and go to sleep. I anticipate the daily changes, the decreasing fear, the increasing hope. I fully anticipate complete recovery from my ailments by Friday. Friday Friday Friday. Another big day. A chance to spring free from this rat trap. A chance to remove a link from the chain that keeps me here.
I'm quite aware of the fact I am a control freak. Very well aware of it, and I dont really see it as a negative. The only problem is that when one controls their lives so tightly, any slight pertebation or loss of control can send the whole delicately balanced tower of blocks tumbling down.
Ah, the burden of earning a livable wage. What do independently-wealthy people have to worry about? They have control. Anytime someone hands you a paycheck, you hand them control. The price of handing over my control is going to be a steep one. I just have to get out of here first.
The Head and i have realized that we may be running in the wrong career race. The question is, do we keep running? We've got the speed but we're not exactly sure what it is we're running towards.
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